


memories (turn into dust)

by doodlingstories



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt, Grief/Mourning, I'll add characters and tags as I go, Multi, mostly about tony's grief, this is a collection of drabbles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-20 10:53:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16135745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doodlingstories/pseuds/doodlingstories
Summary: Thor lost his father, his brother, his people. But Tony lost his child, and in the words of his mother Frigga, there is no greater pain than to outlive your own child.or; a collection of drabbles, mostly about Tony's grief.





	1. Thor

(Before Ragnarok, Odin had said, “Asgard is not a place, it’s a people.”)

(What Odin hadn’t anticipated, though, was Thanos. 

The people are gone now, too.) 

Thor might have lost more than any other Avenger. He’s lost his father, his brother, and his people, all in the span of a few weeks. 

Still, Thor sees that Tony’s sorrow goes deeper than his own. 

So, yes. Thor lost his father, his brother, his people. But Tony lost his child, and in the words of his mother Frigga, there is no greater pain than to outlive your own child. 

And to watch your own child die, die because it’s far too late to save them, die because he was fated to by the snap of two fingers? Thor can’t imagine a faith more gruesome. 

(After Loki had tried to kill Thor for a third time when they were young, Frigga had told him, “Do you know what they say, Loki, when a child is born? They say that a mother’s heart is then no longer her own. That it does no longer only beat for her, but also for her children. You will not kill your brother, Loki, for then, I shall only be a mere shell of my former self. And we both know you’d never want that.”) 

(Loki stopped trying to kill Thor for a while after that.)


	2. Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Tony comes back to earth, Steve expects many things.
> 
> He expects Tony to crack a joke. He expects Tony to immediately cook up a plan to bring down Thanos. He expects Tony to hit him for all the travesty he’s caused him.
> 
> What he certainly doesn’t expect is for Tony to be completely silent, a somberness to him that matches what Steve is feeling inside.

When Tony comes back to earth, Steve expects many things.

He expects Tony to crack a joke. He expects Tony to immediately cook up a plan to bring down Thanos. He expects Tony to hit him for all the travesty he’s caused him.

What he certainly doesn’t expect is for Tony to be completely silent, a somberness to him that matches what Steve is feeling inside. 

(“ _Steve_ …”)

Steve nods at Tony, and opens his mouth to say something, but finds he can’t find the right words.

Tony just nods back sullenly at Steve, barely acknowledging him, before he stalks away. Steve doesn’t feel offended by his greeting; if anything, Steve understands.

But then, when Tony greets Rhodey in the same manner, Steve _knows_ something has happened.

He doesn’t have to wait long before he learns what is wrong.

“Tones? You alright?”

Tony just looks down at his hand, which appears to be covered in ashes.

“Hey- if you’re worried about Pepper, she’s still-”

“My kid is gone.”

“What?”

“My kid. He’s gone.”

Steve frowns. His kid? As far as Steve knew, Tony didn’t have any kids. And, as far as Rhodey’s expression goes, it seems as if Rhodey didn’t know about his kid either. 

“Your _what_ \- Tony, you don’t _have_ any kids.” Rhodey says softly.

“I- not biologically, no,” And _oh_ , that makes more sense. 

“But-my kid was- he was- he was my kid, you know? My kid.” 

Steve places a hand on Tony’s shoulder. Surprisingly, he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t even react to Steve’s touch. 

Rhodey tries to comfort him when he murmurs, “At least it was quick, like everyone else.” 

But then, Tony breaks down, and he actually _cries_ , cries for the boy he’s just lost. He sobs, “It wasn’t- not quick, no. His- he’s got a healing factor? And- this, precognitive sense? He _suffered_ , Rhodey. He suffered, and I couldn’t even comfort him when he died in my- in my- _fuck_. Fuck. _Fuck_!”

(Steve watches the man he’d sworn to help and protect crumble into a pile of ash on the ground, gun falling down next to it.)

“I failed him, Rhodey. I failed him, I failed him, I failed him-”

“No.” Steve suddenly says, and Tony falls quiet. Perhaps it’s the authority in which Steve speaks that makes him stop talking. Perhaps it’s the fact that he hasn’t really heard Steve speak in two years, the last time being in Siberia.

That doesn’t matter, though.

What does matter, is this;

“You didn’t fail him. Because we are still alive, Thanos is still out there, and we’re going to make it right. We’re going to fix this. And if that’s not possible, fixing it, fixing the mess that’s been made? Then we’ll avenge the universe.”

(“ _Oh God_ ,” he mutters, shaking on the ground next to Vision’s grey body.)

(There is a word for a child who has lost their parents. There is a word for a person who has lost their spouse.

There is no word for a parent who has lost their child.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt choose the angsty life, the angsty life chose me


	3. Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter Parker wears a mask to keep his family safe. One would think that was the only reason he wore it, concealing his identity for the sake of his closest and dearest. 
> 
> Though, in reality, there was one more reason as to why Peter hid behind his mask as Spider-Man.

Peter Parker wears a mask to keep his family safe. One would think that was the only reason he wore it, concealing his identity for the sake of his closest and dearest. 

Though, in reality, there was one more reason as to why Peter hid behind his mask as Spider-Man. 

 

After, when the world no longer is missing half of its population, he reveals his identity to the world. And still, his mask remains. And Peter gets asked, why? Why wear it, the mask, when we all know who you are now? 

And he smiles, joking, "Gotta stay true to the spider-branding, don't I?"

It's far from the truth, but the press and the public accept his response, no doubts at his words. 

(Some days, Peter wishes they had doubted his words, that day. Some days, he recognizes that it doesn't really matter, in the end. Some days, he'll know why he said what he said, and thinks that it did matter, that it made a difference.)

 

One day, after a particularly gruesome fight against his former friend turned villain, Peter says to Tony, "Do you know why I still wear the mask? Besides the practical reasons, I mean."

"No," Tony answers softly, because he knows Peter is about to open up to him, "I can't say I do."

"It's so they can't see I'm afraid. Terrified, actually. And yeah, I'll crack a joke or two-"

Tony's breath hitches when he tries to joke, "- or a hundred,"

Peter smiles. 

"Or a hundred, yeah. But while I'm distracting them with my jokes and stuff... I cry, sometimes, under the mask, y'know? Because death isn't all that funny, but I gotta joke about it, right? Because if I do show weakness, they'll know, and that would make it worse, so much worse, because they'd take advantage of it. Advantage of my weakness. Do you get what I'm saying?"

"Oh, kiddo..." Tony whispers, eyes glassy and throat tight and body shaking.

He embraces Peter, and Peter falls right into him, and says, "I don't wanna be afraid anymore, Tony... I don't. But I can't help it, and I just-"

"It's okay to be afraid." he mutters, fingers playing with the curls at the nape of his neck. 

And maybe Tony was right. Maybe it was okay to be afraid. And, even if it wasn't okay? Well, then he's lucky he's got Tony on his side. 

 

(" _Mr. Stark...? I don't feel so good..._ " This is not weakness, Peter thinks.

" _I-I don't know what's happening- I don't know what's-_ " This is not fear, Peter thinks.

" _I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go,_ " This is terror, this is panic, this is horror. 

 

" _I'm sorry._ " But most of all, this is acceptance.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried writing fluff.
> 
> as you can see, i have failed.

**Author's Note:**

> i have a lot of drabbles, so i thought i'd publish it for everyone's enjoyment
> 
> if you enjoyed it, don't forget to leave a comment, it fuels my writing!


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